Fighting the Shadows

Freshly shaved, my head is exposed to the blistering winds, the dry, bitter cold of this dragging winter. However, as is often true in life, exposure has its benefits. A brisk walk of the dogs along the gusty Charles, I’ll remove my hat as the sun peaks through the clouds, warmth trickles in, revitalizing, nourishing, healing. Shower time, as every droplet cascades towards my naked skull it plays a symphony on the nerves, warming, cleansing, rinsing. Visualization is key, “the ...

cancer is rinsed out of my body, into the water, and down the drain.” Lightly shut eyes allows the mind to focus, envisaging a body robust of health, free from disease… imagining what it feels like now… as colorful lights of sky blues, pasture greens and bright, divine whites play against the back of my eyelids. You may be familiar with this daily, let me call it, “meditational cleansing” through past blogs or me telling you in person. Although, recently I had a very profound experience…

“…the cancer is rinsed out of my body, into the water, and down the drain. The cancer is rinsed out of my lungs, out of my liver, out of my lymph-nodes, into the water and down the drain.” Eyes still closed, I turn to face away from the shower head as I rinse any remaining disease that may be lingering on my skin. I lift each foot in turn to cleanse the soles of my feet as well. I now fully imagine…. I am confident…. I believe the cancer is rinsed from my body, into the water, and down the drain. I open my eyes, pull the shower curtain back and turn to reach out for my towel. As my fingers touch the towel it drops suddenly from my hand as my eyes catch something in the bathtub with me near my feat… I jump-turn (and almost slip) at first defensively, startled in fright, blink twice to clear my eyes and make sure I am not seeing things and then watch as a thick, grey shadow swirls down the drain… The Cancer is Rinsed from My Body into the Water and Down the Drain.

… Then, as if part of my normal ritual I step out of the humidity of the hot shower, open the bathroom door and take a deep, replenishing, cool breath that tells me I am headed in the right direction… Life.

All my love – Teej

p.s. I have never been one to “see things” but, I have always believed in the human capacity to heal ones self and that my showers actually work. Some of you will try and rationalize to yourselves this experience, regardless I see it as another affirmation of what I will again accomplish, beating this disease. As always here is the latest update on my health from the medical experts.  The Chemo is working my friends, as of last Friday, March 15 most tumors have shrank by about 1/2. So the largest one in my lymphnodes which was 1.2 cm reduced to 6 mm. My lungs metasteses went from 5mm to 2mm. That sounds about the perfect size for my boot to stomp. My CEA tumor markers in my blood dropped from 6.1 to 2.8. Chemo continues for three  more cycles, 6-8 and then another scan. The winning battle continues.